


New Experiences

by corneroffandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29460627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corneroffandom/pseuds/corneroffandom
Summary: Dean and Cas' first Valentine's Day
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	New Experiences

Some days are better than others. Some days, Dean wakes up and he _knows,_ he remembers, and he simply gets out of bed and begins his day with a faint smile on his face. But then there are others. Nightmares cling to his subconscious and he wakes up with tears blurring his vision, the bed cold next to him, and he finds himself back _before,_ when nothing felt right and everything was a struggle- each breath, each step, every word he had to say just to function.

This is how his day begins today, Dean blinking groggily at the wall, trying to breathe, to find the energy to move, sit up. Do something. He's close to giving it up as a lost cause and just staying in bed, at least for a little while longer, desperate to ignore the world around him and just _try_ to find some strength lurking within him, when he hears a faint sound to his left and his head whips to the side to watch as the door slowly creaks open, little by little, until a tray pokes through. He blinks uncertainly at it until arms appear, and then... then he looks up and it's _Cas,_ and he's whole and healthy and standing uncertainly in the doorway, head tilted to the side as he examines Dean.

"You're awake," he says, sounding surprised, Dean thinks maybe a little disappointed. "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

Pieces click into place with a sudden snap that makes Dean feel breathless and more than a little shaky. "Oh," he breathes out, digging his fingers into his eyes as he remembers- Cas returning from the Empty on Dean's birthday three weeks earlier, Jack looking proud and content and glowing in his new everlasting power taken from Chuck. "Sorry," he mumbles. "I... guess it was just... one of those nights."

Cas' eyes are soft as he walks over, setting the tray down on the table next to Dean's side of the bed and leaning over to press a slow kiss to his lips. "It's fine. I'm sorry I left, I wasn't aware..."

Dean breathes in deeply, trying to allow himself this one, simple moment, before opening his eyes and examining the food on the tray. Pancakes and eggs, bacon and orange juice. He smiles a little. "So what's the big occasion?" he asks, reaching out to snag a slice of bacon.

Cas' brows furrow for a moment, he looks confused and uncertain. "Did I get the day wrong?" He glances at the calendar hanging haphazardly on Dean's wall and scrapes his teeth over his lip, lost in thought.

"Day?" Dean sits up to look too, bacon hanging precariously from his lips as he realizes. "Cas, did you... I mean. You did this for me for Valentine's Day?" Sure enough, the calendar marks it just so. _February 14th, Valentine's Day. Dean Winchester, you are a dumbass._

"Yes," Cas says, looking happier now that he knows he hasn't done it on just some random Sunday. Then he grows thoughtful again. "Did you forget about the holiday, Dean?"

Dean swallows, feeling worse and worse the longer Cas stares at him. _Shit,_ he thinks, fingers curling into fists against his tray. _I forgot... how could I forget something like this... He deserves so much better than..._

"Dean," Cas says gently, reaching out to grip his chin, encourage him to look up. "Dean, please. Breathe." Their eyes lock and Dean gasps for oxygen, Cas' concern growing as he watches him. "Dean, please. It's alright- I promise, I'm not offended that you forgot. You... you've been doing little more than taking care of me the last three weeks. It's _fine._ "

Cas' grace is unstable, to put it lightly. Some days, it feels almost normal, pulsing under his skin, but most days he can feel it fading more and more. Jack rescuing him from the Empty had destabilized his already uncertain powers and now... well, now he's more human than anything. Food doesn't necessarily taste like molecules anymore, and sleep is something he requires more often. It's an adjustment period. He doesn't know how to cook, he's only starting to get a stockpile of his own clothes to wear, and... things are so very different from the last time he was human.

He's able to stay, for one, and Dean watches over him, makes him food to eat, gave him clothes that first night, keeps him occupied with movies and research, sometimes, when he's up for it. Other times, if a day is particularly bad, Dean breaks out the whiskey and they sit side by side and drink in subdued silence, Cas' taste for booze still not really there. But it's rare, Dean isn't as desperate to use alcohol as a crutch anymore, and Cas is relieved to see it.

"It doesn't feel fine," Dean sighs, disappointed in himself, frustrated that even now, Cas is too forgiving, too quickly. "I shoulda..." He shrugs helplessly. "kept a better eye on the calendar. Figured it out when Sammy left to go spend time with Eileen this weekend." He picks anxiously at his bottom lip and Cas reaches out, lightly gripping his hand and pulling it to his chest. "Ya deserve better, Cas. You always have," he says quietly.

"I have the best thing I could ever want right here in front of me," Cas says with a small smile. "What else could I possibly ask for?" Despite his attempts to get Dean to see himself the way Cas does, it's still too easy for Dean to fall back on old ways, self-depreciating and not believing how good he truly can be. Is.

"Man, come on," Dean sighs, scrubbing at his face. Despite the weak teasing tone in his voice, Dean looks pale, his hands trembling against his chin.

"Dean," Cas says softly. "Look at me." Their eyes meet and Cas' face lights up with this soft, adoring glow that Dean still isn't sure what to do with exactly.

"Cas..."

"Listen to me, Dean Winchester," he says, trying to put some of that old smitey, Angel of the Lord steel back to his voice. He's pretty sure he fails miserably, especially when Dean's lips twitch. "You forget I could see your soul for many, many years. I _know_ you because I _see_ you, and I _understand_ you. You are beautiful, inside and out."

Dean's face pales. His eyes gleam with tears, his lips pressed together tightly, and Cas fears he's gone too far for Dean's self-confidence to allow without shutting down, trying to run, something, but then Dean presses forward and drops his head against Cas' chest. Cas exhales and reaches out, running his fingers through Dean's hair slowly, waiting until more tension bleeds from his body before continuing to speak.

"You fought for so many years for so many people, internalizing every failure and never having time to fully celebrate the victories before more bad happened." He exhales. "You kept fighting, through every hard ship, no matter how hopeless it all seemed. You fought and sacrificed for your family, for your brother, for..." He works the words over his mouth, still amazed that he can say this, and not be wrong. After all of this time. Life can truly be an amazing, overwhelming thing. "For me."

Dean pulls back and looks at him then, eyes still a little glossy with tears unshed. "Cas, I was always so useless when you... you were..." He presses his lips together, trying to reign himself in. "I could never do anything to bring you back, no matter how hard I wanted to."

"That isn't true," Cas tells him gently. "If not for you, I would've never had the will to keep fighting to come back. Perhaps other means would pave the way, but I always found my way _because_ of you."

Dean looks gobsmacked for the second time in five minutes and Cas decides to take it easy on him from here on out, touching his shoulder and drawing him in once more. "Cas," he mumbles again, that one word sounding somewhere between awed and a sob.

"I love you," he whispers into Dean's hair. Gives it a few moments for Dean to once more relax, subtly, against his shoulder, before slowly, carefully pulling away to give him a small, hopeful smile. "Now. About that breakfast..."

The hot stuff has gone lukewarm, and the juice is room temperature by now, but Dean chews at the bacon and works his way through the toast, eggs and hash browns like they're the best delicacy he's ever had. "Thanks," he says once he's done, settling back to eye Cas quietly.

Cas smiles back at him, content to lean back and watch him. His relationship with food is still slow growing. He likes peanut butter and jelly, and... everything else is a bit of a crapshoot. Coffee he can stand, however, and he takes a mug from the tray and sips from it, sighing as the caffeine hits his system. "What would you like to do today, Dean?" he wonders, drawn in by the gleam in Dean's eye at the question.

"Oh, ya know." He flashes a flirty grin at Cas, setting the tray aside and gripping his collar, drawing him in. They kiss for a few moments, slow and gentle and steadily building, teeth and tongues being introduced to it all, when Dean's phone rings, Sam's tone blaring at them and effectively ruining the mood. Dean grunts and fumbles blindly for it, finally finding it and almost snapping it in his frustration. "Yeah? What do you want, Sam?"

"Uh," Sam responds after a moment. "I'm interrupting something, right? I'll- yeah, I can call back later, no big deal."

"Damn straight you will," Dean mumbles while returning to Cas' lips, dropping the phone thoughtlessly onto the table, but his wavering determination to continue spending the morning in bed with Cas fades even further when Cas pulls away and stares at him with a knowing look on his face, quirking his brow when Dean groans. "Dammit," he huffs, grabbing ahold of the phone once more and redialing his brother. "What do you need?"

It's a simple enough case Eileen needs information for, but the lore books are so grossly out of order- Dean pointedly says nothing as he organizes one of the many piles of books he'd read through a few weeks back, impatient and aching to have Cas back safe- that Sam still hadn't found the time to properly re-organize things into some sort of order. Cas comes and goes, leaves him a glass of water, smooths his fingers through Dean's hair on another pass through the library, even stops at one point to watch him, but only briefly before he walks off again. Dean wonders, but he's lost in a paragraph that he thinks might be leading to what Eileen's looking for, and he doesn't have time to really think about Cas too much until he looks up to find that it's suddenly mid-afternoon and he stretches, wondering what they should do, if they have anything appetizing to cook.

He sighs, getting up and trying to work feeling back into his legs after sitting for so long when he heads into the kitchen. He hesitates at the fridge door, fingers skimming over the handle as he stares into the limited variety of foods there. Sam's been spending more time with Eileen, and Dean's still not gotten fully back into the groove of cooking, so regular grocery trips have suffered as well. Things had been rough, before Cas' return, and he'd just spent whatever free time he had researching, taking care of Miracle, drinking to escape thoughts of that night in the bunker basement. He rests his head against the cool steel of the door and exhales shakily as he reflects on it all.

_It had been his birthday three weeks back when Jack had reappeared for the first time in months, a soft look on his face, and a pleased little grin that honestly rankled at Dean, that anyone who knew Cas and loved Cas could ever look that joyful about anything. But then Jack leaned down, pressed a soft hand to Dean's jaw and searched his face, his smile never quite fading, though his brows furrowed in worry. "It's going to be ok, Dean." He pulled Dean to his feet, both of them ignoring the clinking of alcohol bottles against the floor where he'd been slumped. He guided Dean away from the mess and settled him at the table with their names on it, traced his fingers idly over his own name that Dean had gouged into the wood during one of the harder nights._

_"'m I hallucinating?" Dean mumbled, scrubbed at his face._

_"No," Jack said with a small grin. "You're as aware of your surroundings as anyone would be, considering." He sobered up and exhaled slowly. "I was thinking," he said softly. "About when we were all here with Mrs. Butters." He searched Dean's face and nodded when Dean glanced at him. "I was too happy at the time to really think about what she said, that you were too old to celebrate your birthday. But now, I have seen the world, watched people young and old- anywhere from 1 year to 120 celebrate their birth, and I know now. She had no right to take that from you, everything else was being celebrated, you deserved to be as well."_

_It felt so long ago, so ridiculous to dredge that up. Dean waved it off. "It's nothing, Jack, I wouldn't have known what to do with a birthday party anyway, and you got one, that's the important thing-" His words died away when Jack leaned in, stared intensely at him in a way that still reminded him heartbreakingly of Cas._

_"I'm here to make it up to you, Dean," he said simply. "You deserve something nice on your birthday. More than loneliness and alcohol."_

_Dean smirked painfully. "What could you possibly have to give me that could-"_

_"Hello, Dean."_

_Time stopped. Dean slowly turned and found Cas standing behind him, looking so much like he had the night the Empty had taken him away that Dean's knees buckled. He was never sure who reached him first- Jack or Cas, just that the next thing he remembered, he was sitting back at the table, with Cas kneeled before him, Jack behind him, hands light against his shoulders. "This can't be real," he muttered, reaching up to dig his knuckles in his eyes. "I'm passed out drunk somewhere, and-"_

_"This is real," Cas told him. "We_ are _real. Remember?"_

_Words said to him before, but this time he believed them. And they'd ultimately proven to be true._

He's startled out of his thoughts, the memories, by a soft hand against his shoulder. Blinking his eyes open, he turns to look at Cas and feels some of the tension leaving him, a smile tugging at his lips. "Hey."

"Are you alright, Dean?" he asks, brows furrowed as he examines the man, frowning harder. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," he says. "Not really. Just... reflecting, I guess." Clearing his throat, he licks his lips and then inclines his head towards the fridge. "Also, I have no idea what we're eating tonight because there's pretty much nothing in here."

Cas doesn't look bothered by the prospect, instead taking Dean's hand and leading him away from the kitchen. "Well, that's just as well," he says slowly, squeezing Dean's fingers. "I... I was thinking we could go somewhere?"

Dean blinks. He's always the one to suggest where to go when it comes to food or, well, most anything since Cas is still for the most part inexperienced to what's _good_ , so this is new. He just hopes it's not some vegetarian place Sam suggested or anything. Deciding to take a chance- this is _Cas,_ after all- he nods. "Yeah, ok, man. Sure, what did you have in mind?"

Cas turns to look at him, his eyes bright and pleased, his teeth flashing as he grins brightly. Something so rare, but still so breathtaking when he does, his joy radiating and warming Dean's skin. "Trust me?"

Dean shakes his head. "Always do, Cas. You know that."

His grin softens and Cas squeezes Dean's hand again before turning after a taking a quick glance at Dean's robe, shirt and PJ pants. "We need a change of clothes for this," he declares and Dean's worry grows even as he obligingly follows along.

After twenty minutes of driving, Dean isn't sure what's taken his brain and sent it through a blender more- Cas reaching into the folds of his trenchcoat and pulling out that cowboy hat Dean had made him wear years back, putting it on with a small twitch of his lips, or the place they're parked in front of- a cowboy themed burger joint that Dean had never even been aware of before this moment of time, just on the outskirts of Lebanon, and... "Holy crap," he breathes out, staring at the building in amazement. Lights in the shape of boots, spurs, cowboy hats, various other themed things flash off of the sign welcoming them to the establishment, and he's not sure he isn't hallucinating. "Is this- I mean, I..."

"I was looking for something special to do today," Cas says. "And this place came up on google maps. It sounded like something you would enjoy."

"It is," he mumbles. "Fresh beer on tap? Out of this world burgers? _Cowboys_?" he says, an awed tone in his voice. "Yeah. I'm definitely going to enjoy the hell out of this place."

Cas smiles as they get out of the car and walk into the building side by side, only shifting a little while waiting to be seated. He notices Dean's eyes slip towards a brightly flashing machine containing a number of stuffed animals adorned in little cowboy hats and outfits, examining it closely until a waitress comes and directs them to a free booth.

The meal is comfortable, the two of them joking and talking quietly amongst themselves between drinks and food, Cas taking his chance on one of the burgers and finding it not too overpowering for his tastebuds. Dean offers to split his fries with him and Cas chews obligingly on them, prefering them with ketchup as they taste too salty otherwise. Dean of course orders a slice of pie ala mode and Cas takes advantage of the wait to excuse himself.

The bright machine is just out of sight of the booth they're at and he stares attentively at it, reading the various signs covering it. He frowns and pulls out a hand full of quarters. Determined to play it as straight forward as possible, Cas enters in the required amount of change and watches it flash at him before grabbing the lever, gingerly directing it towards the teddy bear with a cowboy hat and vest on that he thinks he might have the most luck collecting.

It misses. Misses again. And again. He's running out of quarters. He watches his chances dwindle away, and looks up, glancing around. No one's really paying attention to him so his eyes flash with a faint blue, his fingertips lighting up as he once more directs the lever and this time, it hits its mark, the claw dropping slowly, snagging perfectly around the middle of the teddy bear, and hoisting it over to send it down the chute to where Cas can collect it. "Perfect," he mumbles, tucking it carefully into his coat.

Dean looks up when he returns and hums around a small forkful of his pie. "Where'd ya go, man? 'Bout to go looking for you." There's an anxiety in his gaze, threading through his words, that Cas feels a pang of guilt for being the cause of- they're still finding their footing after The Empty, and Cas understands that Dean gets uncomfortable when he's out of his sight for too long when they're not in the- relative- safety of the bunker.

"I... wanted to get something for you," Cas offers and Dean freezes halfway through another bite of pie, looking up at him.

"What? Cas, you've gotten me plenty today, come on," he sputters, but then Cas pulls out the teddy bear and Dean freezes all over again, a shocked look on his face. "Oh," he breathes, reaching out for the toy. "You... damn it, Cas," he mutters, eyes widening.

"Do you not like it?" Cas asks, frowning, but then Dean shakes his head imperatively.

"I do. I really, really do," he says, rubbing his thumb over the soft fur. "It's... it's just, I didn't do _anything_ for you today, and you just keep... finding new things to surprise me with, and..." He presses his knuckles into his eyes and finally unfolds from himself a bit. "Listen, I promise the next big _thing,_ whatever it is, holiday or anniversary, or anything, I'll make this up to you. Alright? I will. You deserve so much more than what you're getting here."

Cas tilts his head and examines Dean, taking his turn at shaking his head incredulously now. "I disagree," he says with a small smile. "The moment you told me you reciprocated my feelings was all of the gift I needed." He takes Dean's hand from where it's fallen limply against the table and strokes his knuckles with his thumb, examining him calmly. "I never imagined I could have this, and I know we still have a long road ahead of us, we're both still finding our places in this new world post-Chuck, and together, but I enjoy every second of it because I get to experience it with you." He smiles as Dean's breath hitches. "That's all I need, Dean, truly. Please don't underestimate how happy today has made me just as it is."

"Ridiculous, selfless..." Dean continues mumbling under his breath, and Cas blinks when Dean turns his hand around so they're palm to palm and squeezes his fingers, a determined look in his deep green eyes. "Yeah, well, considering we're together now, someday soon I'm gonna show you how happiness is more than just in the _being_ , Cas. Really blow that angelic mind of yours."

"You do that already every day," Cas says softly and Dean sputters again, dropping his head down for a moment, shaking it slowly.

"You can't just say stuff like that in public," he groans, skin flushing a hot pink. "Come on. Eat this." With the fork in his free hand, he shovels up some pie and melting ice cream and holds it out, waiting until Cas obligingly parts his lips to feed it to him, Cas humming around the sweet tartness of the dessert that Dean treats like his main religion sometimes.

Dean finishes the rest of the pie pretty quickly after that and pays at the front counter, their waitress looking amused at the combination of Cas' hat and the teddy bear as she asks about the meal and wishes them a good evening once they're heading for the door.

Dean slumps into the driver's seat and smooths his thumbs over the ridges in the steering wheel, turning to look at Cas as he holds onto the teddy bear. "Hey, it's still kinda early," he says. "Wanna go back to the bunker and watch a movie? Unless you have something else planned..."

"No," Cas says. "This was it. Unless you want to go somewhere else." He turns to look at Dean, the faint gleam of the setting sun flashing across his face and casting his blue eyes into sharp relief, Dean once more amazed by the depths of them.

"No," he says lowly, then clears his throat. "A movie sounds great, if that's... fine with you."

Cas smiles. "It sounds perfect, Dean."

Dean's eyes gleam as he examines Cas' expression, the happiness etched into his face becoming more commonplace with each day that passes since his return from The Empty. "Great. Uh, you can even pick what we're watching when we get there." It's the least he can do after everything Cas has given him today, he knows, but Cas looks so pleased with the prospect of it that Dean decides to let go of the uncertainty and fear that maybe he's already messing up too desperately to salvage things. _Next time, I'll make sure I won't forget. I'll have a game plan,_ he thinks, turning the car to get back onto the main road to head back to the Bunker,eager to spend the rest of the night with Cas in his DeanCave, watching dumb movies, sharing popcorn and just being comfortable and warm, with the one he loves.


End file.
